i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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