wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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