I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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