Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
