Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
