wat bout pragnant strippers??
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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