I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
