I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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