I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
