She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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