the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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