I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
