wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
