Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
