Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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