The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
