Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
