were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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