toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
