John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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