YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
