I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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