the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
