worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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