saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
