I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
