Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
