I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
