Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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