already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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