I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize