I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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