Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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