We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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