He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
