i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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