Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
