when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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