She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
