Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
