just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They took my balls.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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