I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
