she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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