Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
