yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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