The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
