i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
