I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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