it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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