nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
