I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
