kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
