O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
