Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
