Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
