I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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