Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
