Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
