You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
