Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
