Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
