whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
