I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize