Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
