Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
