im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i believe in u and ur pee
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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