I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
